


Promising the Present

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-08-11
Updated: 1999-08-11
Packaged: 2018-11-10 07:04:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11122236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Ben and Ray go on vacation and have several serious discussions regarding their future.





	Promising the Present

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Promising the Present

## Promising the Present

by Anon

Author's disclaimer: Just borrowed, for fun.

Author's notes: I wouldn't make comments, but maybe this needs explanation. I've been trying to write a sequel to "Not Going Away," but I don't like the one I had and I'm starting over. This story was an event in that sequel. But, it can stand on its own as a complete story. Without reading the other stories, this one is about one character adjusting to a permanent relationship. If read in the context of the other stories, it's a little darker and deals with a real threat to one of the characters. Please email. I appreciate all messages. If I'm slow to answer it is due to on-going email problems. Apologies for the long notes. 

* * *

"Ray?" 

He noticed the slightly worried sound he had become accustomed to hearing in Fraser's voice lately. He had thought taking a trip would be a good idea, but so far Benny had not calmed down. He felt Fraser's arm tighten around his waist. It was unusual being physically close and affectionate in what might have been considered a public place, but there was no one around. The area was what Ray would normally have referred to as the middle of nowhere, with trees and water and the vague threat of animals that did not generally appeal to him. But, Chicago and his family had left him feeling trapped recently. This was better. Dief ran ahead and left them alone on the path. 

"Yeah, Benny?" 

"You've been unusually quiet all afternoon. Would you like to go back to the hotel? We could do something else, or we could go back and do nothing." Fraser looked at him, wondering what was the cause of his silence. It was unlike Ray to spend two hours saying almost nothing. 

"No, Benny, I don't want to go back to the hotel. I like it here and I'm not worried about being eaten by animals if that's what you think." He tried to laugh, but received only a small smile from Fraser. Okay, so now he knew that wasn't what Fraser was thinking. "It's a hotel room, Benny. It's a place to sleep, among other things. But it isn't where you spend your time unless you're . . . you know, using it. We can do that later. This is vacation, remember? And I really don't mind the natural shit. Okay?" 

Fraser smiled a little more and turned toward Ray, putting both hands on his partner's hips and pulling him slightly forward. "Yes, Ray, but . . ." 

"No buts, Benny." He leaned in for a short kiss, then looked around. "There's a big rock over there, Fraser. What are the chances we could sit by it and do what you like to call 'visiting' without being attacked by insects?" 

Fraser looked at the rock. It was definitely large enough for them to be hidden from sight, at least from one direction. "Are you sure, Ray?" 

This was verging on annoying. He raised his eyebrows and stared at his partner. "No, Frasier. I suggested it because I thought it was a bad idea. Of course I'm sure." Ray sighed and rolled his eyes. 

They walked toward the rock and sat. "Ray, when you are ready to leave . . . " 

"Yeah, yeah. I'll let you know. Jeeze, if I'd known I was going on vacation with my mother I would have reserved two rooms. I'm the one who is uncomfortable in the wilderness, Benny. Do you think you might relax a little?" 

"Well, Ray, this isn't exactly wilderness. It is somewhat isolated, but it's easily accessible by car. It is more . . ." 

"Benny?" 

"I should stop talking?" 

"Yes." 

* * *

Fraser slid his arm under Ray's neck. Ray had been sleeping for over an hour and he had no intention of waking him, but he did look uncomfortable. He put the other hand on Ray's shoulder and leaned forward a little, so he could see his partner's face. Despite Ray's outwardly tough and sometimes almost aggressive attitude, Fraser was often startled by how innocent he looked, when he was awake as well asleep. He felt Ray shift and saw him yawn. 

Ray woke on the ground and turned to face Fraser. He hadn't intended to fall asleep. He stretched and looked at his watch. "Did you know we've been here two hours?" 

Fraser ran a finger lightly down his cheek. "Yes, Ray. I have been aware of the time all along. Why?" 

"No reason, Benny. Just curious. I know this place is private, but I'm not sure it was such a great idea for us to fall asleep here wrapped around each other." 

Fraser kissed him on the forehead, then placed a series of small kisses down his nose to his mouth. After a few seconds he pulled away. "Yes, Ray, perhaps. Although, I haven't noticed anyone so I assume we are alone." 

"It's hard to see people when you're asleep Fraser. We could have been viewed by every tourist within twenty miles." 

Fraser laughed. "I wasn't asleep, Ray." He had been awake the entire time, but he had seen no need to mention it. Ray sometimes seemed uncomfortable when he discovered Fraser watching him sleep. He changed the subject quickly. "Are you ready to go? It will be getting dark soon and I thought we might get something to eat." 

"I'm ready." He buttoned his shirt, while Fraser did the same. 

* * *

They both sat through dinner almost without talking. Finally, Ray was pushing the remains of his desert on the plate. "Benny?" 

"Yes, Ray?" 

"Is something wrong?" 

"No, Ray. Why do you ask?" 

"Because Frasier, this afternoon you were obviously disturbed by the idea that I was too quiet. But it has not escaped my notice that you have had very little to say yourself. What's the problem?" 

Fraser smiled. He had wanted to talk to his partner, but not here. He had been wondering if it might be better not to mention anything that was bothering him, but his concerns had become inexplicably central in his thinking lately. He was afraid Ray might not react well and he wanted to find a way of expressing part of it without telling Ray everything. But no matter how much he eventually decided to discuss with his partner, this was not the time. "Nothing is wrong, Ray. Really." 

"You're sure?" 

"Yes, Ray, I'm sure." 

This time Ray smiled. "In that case Benny, I assume you have no objections to using the hotel room now?" 

"None." 

* * *

Ray flipped the light switch turning on most of the lights in the room, then closed and locked the door. He felt Fraser slide a hand up his back to his shoulders. 

"I'll be back, Ray." He walked across the room, turned on a small lamp on a table in the corner of the large room, then returned and turned off the switch controlling the other lights. He faced Ray placed his hand on the back of his partner's head to kiss him. He held the kiss as long as possible before breaking it. 

"Benny . . . " 

"Shh." 

Ray felt himself being lifted off the floor. "Benny? What the hell are you doing? Put me down. Just because you're bigger than I am doesn't mean you can pick me up . . . " He felt Fraser's mouth on his temporarily silencing him, but he pulled away. "Benny, put me down. What do you think you're doing?" 

Despite the verbal protest, he noticed Ray was not struggling. He was startled by how little effort it took to lift him. He realized he shouldn't have been surprised and wondered how shocked he might have been if he had tried it several weeks ago. He pushed the thought out of his mind. "You didn't talk all afternoon, or during dinner. Now you won't stop. Shhh." He kissed him again, then walked to the bed. 

As he was placed on the bed, Ray leaned forward but felt his arms being pushed back against the mattress. "Benny . . ." 

"Shh. Let me. Please." 

He dropped back into the pillows. "Whatever you want, Benny." 

Fraser leaned over him. During the past weeks, Ray had noticed the intensity of Fraser's stare. He had even noticed slight changes in the color of Fraser's blue eyes at those moments. Sometimes it made him uncomfortable. He could rarely get a good idea what Fraser thought when he looked at him intently. Benny almost seemed to be working on making his facial expressions unreadable, but the few times he had inadvertently dropped the control, Ray had almost been overwhelmed. "Fraser, you're staring again." 

"Yes." He smiled. Ray didn't like feeling watched and Fraser he knew he should be more circumspect, but he had been unable to resist the urge lately. There were many reasons for it and he knew some of them might have annoyed Ray. "You have incredible eyes. Stop talking, please." 

Ray laughed, but stopped suddenly in response to another kiss. His shirt was slowly unbuttoned and Benny's hand moved up his chest, then around his back. Fraser briefly let go, reached for a blanket and covered him before he continued removing Ray's clothes. 

* * *

He stared at the ceiling and reached up to play with Fraser's hair. With Benny's head on his chest he could not tell whether his partner had fallen asleep. He had been quiet and still for so long now it seemed he was asleep. Ray had spent several nights lately thinking about how different Fraser's behavior had been since the first weeks they were together. The change felt drastic, but it wasn't bad. Sometimes it was good, or at least pleasant, but he wondered what was behind it. Benny didn't discuss it and he had not been willing to bring it up. He was almost afraid to try talking about it. Lately, Benny always seemed cautious when making love and it had not been that way at first. But, it had become as intense as the stare. He felt Fraser shift. 

"Ray?" 

"Hmm? I thought you were asleep." He continued twirling Fraser's hair around his fingers. 

"No. I haven't been asleep. Are you comfortable?" 

Ray smiled as Fraser lifted his head and looked at him. "I'm good, Fraser. And you?" 

"Oh, yes. Fine." He moved off Ray's chest and leaned on one arm so he could look at his partner. He began slowly stroking Ray's temple with the other hand. 

"If you do that very long, I'll get sleepy." 

"Yes, I know. That's the idea. Go to sleep, Ray." Fraser smiled a little at the corners of his mouth, but the intensity of the stare was back. 

"Aren't you sleepy, Benny?" He yawned, but tried unsuccessfully to hide it. 

"I will be in a few minutes." Fraser kissed him lightly, then continued stroking Ray's face. 

"What is this thing you have lately about watching me sleep, Benny? Don't you think it's a little weird? You do it a lot." His eyes slowly drifted open and then closed, then open again. It was becoming impossible to stay awake, as Fraser had obviously intended. 

"No, Ray. I don't think it's weird at all. I like it." Ray's eyes drifted shut for the final time and he had not heard the last few words. Fraser pulled up the blanket to completely cover Ray's shoulders, then leaned on his arm again, sitting up partially. "I love you." He stayed in the same position, watching, until he was too sleepy to sit up any longer. 

* * *

The next morning after they parked the Riv and let Dief out to run, Ray decided it was time to force the issue. Neither of them had spoken much since they had left Chicago. It seemed that nothing was wrong, but they had five more days of vacation and he was not looking forward to spending it in silence wondering what they weren't talking about. As soon as they were in a wooded area, Fraser's hand slid into his. They continued walking for several minutes before Ray finally broke the silence. 

"What's wrong, Benny? Don't tell me nothing. If nothing's wrong, I still want to know why you're so quiet." He wanted to know why Fraser kept staring at him and why he had made several other changes as well, but those questions could wait. 

"You have been quiet as well, Ray." Fraser let go of his hand and put his arm around Ray's waist. 

"Yeah, I guess so, Benny. Why aren't we talking?" 

"We don't always have to talk, do we?" He realized they did not always need to speak, but he also knew he was trying to put off Ray's questions. 

"No, Benny. But, this isn't just comfortable silence, is it? Come on, Fraser, you know there's something we're avoiding." 

"Yes." He stopped walking and looked down. 

Ray felt a surge of panic. Maybe he shouldn't have started this. Was there really a problem? Maybe Benny wasn't happy? He had caused enough stress lately, maybe Benny had had enough. But, things were better. Everything was all right for now. Oh. It wasn't all right for Fraser. Was that the problem? He could see Benny was trying to hide something. He had seen it for a couple of months. He just hadn't wanted to let himself admit it. Did Benny want out? He wished he hadn't said anything. He wished he could replay the last few minutes, like a video tape, and erase his questions. It was too late for that. It wasn't going away now. Nothing would go away lately. When he managed to make himself speak again, the words rushed out uncontrollably. "Benny? I'm sorry. I know I've caused a lot of problems since we've been together. It's getting better, though. Isn't it? I mean, everything is under control for now. Benny? You don't want to leave, do you? Is that why you've been so different lately? You can tell me if you want out, Benny. I don't want you to go, but I'd try to understand if that's what you wanted. I guess I would understand. I've always told you that. I mean, I know I've been expecting a lot from you and . . . I don't want to you to feel trapped. Or to stay because you think . . . because you feel . . . I don't want . . . you to feel trapped. You're my best friend, Benny. Is that what's happening, Benny? Do you want out?" 

Fraser looked up suddenly. He had been trying to follow Ray's thoughts, but Ray had entirely misunderstood what was happening. He had never intended for Ray to feel threatened. Nothing could have been more incorrect. Ray was afraid he wanted to leave. "What?" 

Ray took a breath and hesitated. Then he asked again, "Do you want out, Benny?" 

"Oh, God. No. Ray, why would you think that?" Fraser put both arms around him and, after a few moments, Ray responded. 

"I thought maybe after everything that's happened, well, maybe you were tired of it. Or maybe you didn't want to . . . um . . . " 

They stood in the middle of the path, hugging each other. Fraser reached up and put his hand on Ray's cheek. "Ray, I'm not sure I understand what you are talking about. I'm sorry." 

"We had a stressful beginning, Benny. I didn't exactly make life easy for you at first and I know things are better now, but that may change later. I didn't want you to feel obligated to stay if you wanted to leave." 

Fraser looked at him, his face was unreadable again. "I know it may change, Ray. Don't worry about that. Please don't ever think I want to leave. If I have ever done anything to make you feel as if I wanted to go, it was unintentional. I cannot imagine leaving unless you sent me away. I've already told you that. You have not caused any problems and I don't want you to feel as if you have. I want to be with you. Please don't doubt that. I love you. I am sorry, Ray." 

"Then what has changed, Benny?" 

"Nothing." 

Ray pulled back and looked at him. "Benny, you know it's different lately. A few minutes ago, you agreed with me that there is something we aren't talking about." 

"Yes, but it has nothing to do with me wanting to leave you. I'm sorry if I have seemed different recently, Ray. I'm not very good at relating sometimes. I cannot be like you and your family. You say exactly what you think, the emotions are always on the surface. I don't know how to do that. You know that my family was . . . restrained . . . at best. Sometimes there are things I want to say and I don't know how, or I cannot say them for reasons I do not completely understand. I've been more expressive with you than anyone I've ever known, but I still don't do it well. It has never been my intention to hurt you, or to leave you wondering what I want. If I seem to be behaving differently than I did at first, I believe that is because I have not known how to express myself recently. I love you more than anyone." 

"Is that why you're hiding things, Benny? Because you want to say something and you aren't sure how to do it? Why do you have that look sometimes? I can't tell what it means. It's like you're staring through me. And you watch me all of the time. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm flattered. But it feels a little weird, you know?" 

"I like watching you." Fraser smiled. "I told you that from the beginning. I've always watched you, Ray. I, ah, like watching you move. You just didn't know it before we were together. I was more careful about it." 

Ray looked startled, but he was obviously not entirely convinced. "Yeah? Thanks, Benny. I like watching you too, but that's not what this is really about. Is it? At least, it isn't all of it. What else, Benny? Tell me." 

Fraser looked away. He had not wanted to answer that question and he had hoped Ray would not ask it. He looked at Ray, but this time he allowed the mask to drop and Ray could see the anxiety. "I am afraid. I want you to be safe and all right and there is nothing I can do to make that happen. Do you understand?" 

"Fraser, we don't exactly have jobs that lead to safety. Something could happen to either of us. Stuff has happened in the past. That feeling is not new for us. But, yeah, I do understand. I'm afraid too, Benny. It's a little different for me, I guess, but I feel it too. Okay?" 

"Okay, Ray." 

"No one is leaving?" 

"Of course not." 

"I love you, Benny." 

"Ray?" 

"Yeah?" 

"What about you? You've been quiet as well. Are you all right?" 

Ray moved closer and they hugged. "Yes, Benny. I'm all right. I was confused, I think, but I'm all right." 

Fraser put his hand on Ray's cheek again and held it there for several seconds. "I'll try to stop watching you so closely, if it makes you uncomfortable." 

"That's okay, Benny." 

* * *

Ray sat in the hotel room that night, spinning his fork in his desert. Dinner had been ordered from room service since neither wanted to go out after the afternoon's conversation. Fraser watched Ray play with what remained of his food for a few moments, then removed the fork from Ray's hand. 

"Don't you like it?" 

"Yes, but I'm finished." 

Fraser smiled. "You finished most of it." 

"Oh, come on. Let's not go there." He was smiling too. 

"Where would you like to go?" Fraser appeared entirely sincere in asking the question. 

Ray rolled his eyes. "No, Benny, it's an expression. It means . . . Oh. I see." 

"You see?" 

"Yes." 

"Ah. What do you see?" 

"I know what you're doing, Fraser." 

"I don't know what you mean, Ray. I'm not doing anything." 

"You're not? Ah." 

"Ah?" 

"Yes. Ah." 

"What do you mean, Ray?" 

"Nothing, just ah." 

"Oh, I see." 

Fraser stopped smiling, leaned across the table and put his hand under Ray's chin. Then he reached forward with his free hand and held one of Ray's. "Tell me how you think things have been different. If it bothers you, I'll try to change." 

"It's okay, Benny." 

"Are you sure, Ray?" 

"Yeah, Benny. I meant it when I said I think I understand." 

Fraser let go of Ray's chin and both stood and moved to the bed. "Ray? I . . . ah . . ." 

"What, Benny?" Ray leaned against the pillows and Fraser stretched out next to him. 

"I'm not sure." He almost laughed. He looked down at Ray's shirt and pulled at the sleeve, wondering what to say. 

Ray leaned in and took Fraser's hand. He whispered, "You're trying not to stare, aren't you?" He saw Fraser nod, then added, "It's okay, Benny. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable." 

Fraser looked at him. He could not tell Ray everything. It would not be appropriate. But, maybe Ray really did understand more than he had realized. He wanted to look at Ray. He sometimes felt an almost desperate need to stare at him until he had memorized everything about him. But, he knew that was irrational and not something he could let Ray know. At least, not yet. Maybe in a few years he could tell him. He hoped he would be able to tell him in a few years. Fraser wondered if Ray knew how often he looked for tiny differences in him, changes that might have occurred in short periods of time. That was entirely irrational. When had he become irrational? He had never been afraid of the future, but there had been numerous times when he had not looked forward to it \- when he was alone and convinced he would remain that way. Now he was not alone, he was where he wanted to be permanently and he feared the future more than he would have thought possible. Irrational. 

"Benny?" 

Fraser smiled. "There's nothing to worry about, Ray." He put his arms around Ray and pulled him in until he was afraid he might be squeezing a little too tightly. He couldn't get Ray close enough even though he could feel every inch of him. 

"Are you sure you're okay, Benny?" 

"Yes, Ray." He loosened his grip a little and began slowly stroking Ray's back. "Ray?" 

"Yeah, Benny?" 

"Would you mind if we stayed this way for a while?" 

"As long as you want, Benny." 

* * *

Ray woke in the middle of the night feeling Fraser sitting up next to him. 

"Benny? What are you doing?" 

"I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't mean to wake you." 

"Why can't you sleep, Benny?" 

Fraser slid back down on the bed, then turned to face him. "I don't know, Ray. I'm just not sleepy." They kissed briefly. "Go back to sleep, Ray. I don't want to keep you awake." 

"Tell me what to do to make you feel better, Benny." 

Fraser hesitated. Telling Ray everything was fine would not work. It was obvious something was bothering him and he couldn't continue trying to hide it. "There are things I want you to know." 

"Okay. What things, Benny?" He began slowly running a hand through Fraser's hair. 

"I need you to understand how I feel. I don't know why it has become important enough for me to become obsessed with it, but apparently that is what has happened. It seems silly." 

"It's not silly, Benny. Just tell me what it's about. It has something to do with what we discussed this afternoon, right?" 

"Yes." Fraser sighed. "I need you to know how important you have become to me." 

Ray wanted to joke that he hoped he had become important to him, since they had been living together for a few months and had been best friends long before that. But, he thought better of it. "I think I do, Benny. What is it you think I don't know?" 

"I love you, Ray." 

"I know, Benny. I love you too." He was becoming increasing confused. He could not understand why Fraser would assume he did not know that by now. Ray remembered something from their earlier conversation and made the connection. "I did understand when you told me you are afraid, Benny. I can't feel what you do, but I understand the fear. It's all right to be afraid." Ray smiled at him. "I doubt if you're the first Mounty to experience fear, Benny." 

"Do you understand why?" 

"I think, maybe. You were alone for a long time, you don't have any surviving family members, and your Dad's murder was harder on you than you have ever admitted. When . . . she . . .left . . ." Ray hesitated, then controlled his urge to cry. "You've had several unusually difficult years. When we were first together, I didn't make things any easier, even though it wasn't intentional. Is there anything I've left out?" He continued stroking Fraser's hair. 

"Yes." 

"What, Benny?" 

"I feel helpless sometimes and I hate that feeling. I've always been reasonably in control, but I'm not now. I can't control what happens. I have no control over . . ." 

"The future?" 

Fraser nodded. "I want to make everything all right and that isn't possible." 

Ray moved his hand down to Fraser's face and pulled it up so that Fraser was looking at him. "No one can control the future, Benny. I told you something like that this afternoon. All we can do is deal with the present. That's all anyone can do." Ray was almost afraid to ask his next question, but he needed to know the answer. "You're afraid of being alone again, aren't you Benny?" 

Fraser tried to look away, but Ray held his face and refused to let go. "That's part of it. I'm afraid to be separate from you, even though I could never really be without you. I'm afraid I won't always be what you need and I dislike the idea of seeing anything happen to you. I would do anything to prevent that and I have no control over it. I'm sorry, Ray. I didn't think I should let you know." 

"Benny, I don't know what to tell you. I can't make any promises for the future apart from always wanting to be with you. But, neither can you, Benny. No offense, Fraser, but you do a lot of stupid things. You jump on moving cars, you stand in front of moving cars, you jump out windows and off roofs, and that's only a partial list of your unique actions. Don't you think those things bother me, Benny? I can't stop you from doing them, I learned that a long time ago. All I can do is yell at you when you do something completely insane. You are what I need and what I want. That won't change. I know you love me, Benny. You don't have to worry about that." 

"I'm sorry, Ray. I'm being selfish." 

"No, you're being human. Don't try to hide things. We've both done too much of that. I'm all grown up now, Benny. You can't protect me from everything." Ray smiled, but he was serious. 

"But, I want to." 

"Yeah, I know. I feel the same way about you. That's what we've always done, since we met. We protect each other. Or, at least we try." Ray moved his hand to Fraser's lips and ran a finger across them. "Will you be okay, Benny?" 

"Yes, Ray." 

"'Yes, Ray' meaning yes, you'll really be okay. Or, 'yes, Ray,' meaning you want me to shut up?" 

Fraser laughed out loud for the first time in several days. "Yes, Ray, I'll really be okay. I'd rather focus on you." 

"Thanks, Benny, but I think I've had all the focus I can handle for a while." 

Fraser looked away and felt himself blushing. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." 

"Yeah, Fraser? Maybe I misunderstood. What kind of focus did you have in mind?" 

"Well,we are on vacation, Ray. We could sleep in tomorrow, unless you're too sleepy to stay awake any longer." 

"We could sleep in, Benny? Both of us? This sounds interesting." 

* * *

"It's raining, Benny." Ray sat on the edge of the bed putting on his socks. "It's been raining since we got up." 

"I've noticed that, Ray. According to the local news, it may rain most of the day. Breakfast arrived while you were in the shower. Are you hungry?" 

"Yeah, Benny. What did you order?" They both moved to the table again and looked at the food. 

"Eggs and muffins, blueberry and raspberry." 

Ray looked down and smiled. "Thanks, Benny and it's not even a holiday." 

"Of course, Ray." 

"So, I guess we are stuck here till it stops raining?" Ray took a bite of blueberry muffin. 

"Not necessarily, Ray. There are things we could do near the hotel, if you'd like." 

"Yeah, we can do that when it stops raining." Ray smiled. "Unless you feel strongly about getting out in this, because if you do, we don't have to wait." 

"No, Ray. Waiting here is fine with me." 

"I was hoping you'd say that, Fraser. We could use the room a little more, since it's raining." 

After breakfast they sat on the bed. The discarded newspaper that had been delivered with the food was scattered on the floor. Ray leaned back against Fraser's chest, with Fraser sitting against the wall. Fraser put both arms around him and put his mouth against Ray's ear. 

"Ray? We could go to a movie later, if it doesn't stop raining." 

"Okay, Benny. We can do that, but I get to choose the movie." 

Fraser laughed quietly. "All right, Ray." He moved one of his hands down to hold Ray's. "Are you comfortable?" 

"Mmm. Hmm." 

"Ray? Did you know I slept with one of your shirts a few times?" 

Ray's mouth dropped open and he tried to turn to stare at Fraser, but his partner tightened his hold to prevent it. "Excuse me? Is this some sort of confession, Benny? You don't sleep with women, or other men, but you have an on-going relationship with an article of clothing. I've never heard that one. Have you considered taking it to a talk show?" 

Fraser buried his face in Ray's shoulder and tried not to laugh. "No, Ray. That wasn't what I meant. I've slept with one of your shirts. I put it in the bed with me. I took it with me on a trip once." 

"Yeah, Fraser. I remember that. I didn't understand it at the time, but I didn't want to push it. Why do you sleep with my shirt, Benny?" 

"I don't sleep with it when you're around, Ray." 

"Oh, so it is an illicit relationship?" Ray was openly laughing. 

Fraser kissed him on the cheek and squeezed his hand. "No. I took it on the trip with me because it smelled like you and reminded me of you. Then, there were a couple of times later, when you were . . . away. I put it on a pillow next to me and it was easier to sleep." 

"Oh." Ray leaned his head against Fraser's cheek and remained silent for a few minutes. "Why don't you keep it for a while, Benny? You could use it again later, if you want. I'll take it back when you're done." 

"It isn't a gift? Do you promise to take it back?" Fraser's voice had dropped to an almost inaudible level. 

"It isn't a gift, Benny. I promise I'll do my best to take it back. Okay?" Ray swallowed, but didn't try to look at Fraser this time. 

"Okay, Ray. Thank you." 

"Sure, Benny." 

"Ray?" Fraser was whispering again. 

"Yeah?" 

"This is where I want to be. I will do whatever you want or need, anything I am capable of doing, for as long and as often as necessary. I wanted you to know that." 

Ray swallowed again and hesitated until he could speak clearly. "I know, Benny. But, thank you for telling me." 

"Don't thank me. I don't want you to thank me." 

Ray started to speak, but Fraser put a finger over his lips. Then he moved his hand up to Ray's temple and began alternately rubbing in circles and stroking. 

"Mmm. Benny, I'll be asleep in a few minutes if you don't stop." 

Fraser kissed his cheek, but kept up the motion. "I know. When you wake up, we'll find a movie." 

"Mmm. Okay, Benny. Are you gonna watch me?" Ray almost laughed, but he was rapidly falling asleep. 

"Yes." Fraser continued and Ray's eyes slid closed. "I love you, Ray." 


End file.
